How is love actually defined? You can say that it is the unbreakable bond between two individuals, who destiny has brought together. Two people who care so much for each other that they would do anything to show it. Love is grand, love is unconditional, but what do you do when you love a person so much that it can't really be expressed?
So often, I feel I want to say a hundred words, yet I can not even say one. It sometimes seems that real love can only be shown through actions, through physical contact. People sometimes say that physical contact does not matter, and I even said it myself once, but I have come to discover how important it actually is. I do not love a person less if there is no physical contact, but I get a sense of frustration when that person is sad, and I can't squeeze her in my arms and give her a million kisses on her cheeks.
When there is no physical contact, the love-spark can be doubted. Words can only mean so much, but when the affection is not there, I think that it can be hard to prove your love. When I have written "I love you" a lot of times, it starts losing its meaning, compared to if I look you deeply in the eyes while I whisper it to you. 6 months I have been in love with the girl that I truly feel is the person I want to be with, but lately I have not been keeping the fire of love going. I have come to realize that one of the best things about being a couple, is that you can go out and experience things together. Just living together, you will watch TV together, talk about your day together. It sometimes seem so hard to do when you are not together in the same place, because only so many things happens during the day, and they are things that does not seem interesting if you don't experience them together.
Whenever there is a silent moment... that is when we were supposed to hold around each other, kiss each other, play and have fun together.
I never forgot how much fun I had when I was with my girl. I had never had such a fun time in my entire life. And even though she showed me her sadness, I was there to take it away. I was there to make her smile.
There are many things in my life that I regret. But if there is one thing I regret more than anything else, it is the fact that I can not do the things I want to do, in order to make a special girl in my heart smile.
She might sometimes feel that the spark is gone, but I really wish she could see into my mind, just for one single day. I wish she could see how much I still care for her, and how frustrated I am that I can't give her what she wants most.
I need to work hard. I need to be a good student. I need to reach my own goals in life. If I can not build up a strong and stable life of my own, then how can I ever have a life to share with my love?
I have seemed obsessed with my love to her... I almost feel that I have scared her. She told me not too long ago, that we were not what we used to be.
Those few words struck my heart like a lightning strikes a lone tree on the field.
But it was not just the feel of losing her that made the tears roll from my eyes. It was the fact that I was confronted with my own faults.
How could I have been so blind not to see them?
In my eager to be a person she loves, I have taken away the person that she actually loved more. The other me, who once made her laugh so much.
It is time that I stop digging myself a hole that I can not get out off. And it is time that I build up the confidence that I have lost.
A relationship will always meet difficulties at one point or another, and I want to be ready for that. I want to e strong. So strong that I would be willing to fight to win back her love.
May the future smile to us
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